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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24174142">whatever here that's left of me is yours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/volchitsae/pseuds/volchitsae'>volchitsae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Ghosts, M/M, Supernatural Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:28:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,078</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24174142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/volchitsae/pseuds/volchitsae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why and how the fuck are you here,” he says, to Atsumu currently lying on top of his couch in his weird transparent form.</p><p>“You dropped your phone, Omi-kun! I thought I’d be a good ghost and give it back.” Sakusa pats his coat pocket, scowling when Atsumu dangles it from his thumb and index finger. </p><p>“Did I drop it, or did you <em>take</em> it?” Atsumu raises his eyebrows with theatrical shock.</p><p>“Omi-Omi! How could you accuse me of a crime? Here I am, returning the phone after I’d already returned Hide-kun. Honestly,” he scoffs, “you should be thankin’ me.” He gets up from the couch to wink out of existence and back, blinking into view right in front of Sakusa’s face. Sakusa tips his chin up to glare.</p><p>Atsumu drops the phone into Sakusa’s hands with a grin. “Here ya are, Omi-kun.” Sakusa unlocks his phone and starts typing in <em>how to exorcise ghost</em> into Google.<br/>-<br/>Sakusa is a reluctant, part-time paranormal investigator. He doesn’t expect to get haunted by a ghost while on a case.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>617</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>whatever here that's left of me is yours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kiyoomi-kun, could I trouble you for a moment?” Sakusa glances over at where his elderly neighbour waves over at him from where she’s standing near the entrance to the apartment complex. He’s making his way back home from class at the university a few train stops away. Nakayama-san is patting at the shoulders of one of her grandsons, who is close to tears and mumbling into his grandmother’s skirt as he clings to her legs. Akihiko is eight years old and his younger brother, Hidehiko, is six.</p><p>Sakusa bows in greeting. Nakayama-san tries to get Akihiko to turn around and say hello, but he refuses to. Sakusa waves it off. “It’s no problem. How are you, Nakayama-san?”</p><p>“The boys were at the park,” she starts, tipping her chin towards the small playground across the complex. “They went to the woods nearby about half an hour ago and only Aki came back. Could I trouble you to search for Hidehiko? I’m afraid I would take too long on my own.” Sakusa nods automatically, and they make their way over to where a short dirt path leads into the forest.</p><p>“We wanted to play like we were animals,” Akihiko mumbles, now a little reluctant to go into the forest that is rapidly approaching dusk. “I was a fox and I had to find Hide the bunny, but I couldn’t find him.” His grandmother soothes him, but her face is tight with worry.</p><p>Nakayama-san is the more superstitious type. “Be careful, Kiyoomi-kun.” He nods, pulling out his phone from his pocket. She nods back with her older flip phone gripped in one hand. Sakusa wanders in, following the path until it drops off. He unhooks the cloth mask from his face and breathes in the still, cool air. It smells like it might snow soon.</p><p>“Hidehiko? Hidehiko, hide and seek is over,” he calls. “Your grandmother and Aki are really worried. The game’s over now, Hide, come out.”</p><p>There’s some rustling over to his left where the bushes are thick. Sakusa picks his way carefully through them and the falling leaves towards the noise, calling out for Hide as he goes. A rabbit darts out in front of him and Sakusa nearly trips over it. He swears and goes back to where he came from to move deeper into the forest, straining his ears.</p><p>He hears a shout and he spins on his heel to move toward it.</p><p>“Hidehiko!” He appears suddenly from behind a dense set of trees, covered in dirt and also a little teary. Sakusa reaches out to grab a hand with his gloved one but stops because Hidehiko isn’t alone.</p><p>“Is this who you’re looking for, Hide-kun?” The man holding Hidehiko’s hand is translucent in the setting sun filtering through the trees as he eyes Sakusa up and down warily. The man has a mop of hair over an undercut, is almost as tall as Sakusa, and wears a casual yukata fastened with a dark sash, the outer layer over it, and sandals. He looks about Sakusa’s age. Sakusa isn’t familiar with these woods and their spirits, but he crouches to take a good look at Hidehiko and if he’s alright.</p><p>Hidehiko nods, wiping at his tears with the back of his hand. “It’s Omi-niisan,” he says, and Sakusa gives him a little wave and puts his cloth mask back over his face.</p><p>The ghost isn’t convinced. “How do you know Omi-kun?”</p><p>“He’s my and Aki-niisan’s and Grandma’s neighbor,” Hidehiko replies. He reaches out to Sakusa and Sakusa holds his free hand while carefully checking him over for any scrapes or cuts without acknowledging the ghost.</p><p>“Is he kind? Will he bring you back to your grandma?” Sakusa thinks that’s a little rich coming from a ghost that he isn’t sure would steal a child or not.</p><p>“Mmhmm. Omi-niisan always helps me clean up my toys when Aki and I play outside. Grandma says if I was as tidy as him, she’d be happy.” The ghost snorts and so does Sakusa.</p><p>“You do a pretty good job, Hide. Are you ready to go? Your grandma and Aki are waiting and really worried,” Sakusa says. Hidehiko looks up at him, nodding, before realizing he’s been rude.</p><p>“Omi-niisan! This is ‘Tsumu-niisan. He found me and showed me that you were looking for me, so I came out of my hiding spot. It was a really good hiding spot – “ and Hide continues rambling about their day, while Sakusa looks properly up at the ghost who’s gently swinging Hide’s hand as they walk back to the entrance.</p><p>“Omi-kun,” he says, and the corners of his mouth tip up in a smile with no warmth. “I didn’t think you could see me. Most can’t. I’m Atsumu, ghost extraordinaire.”</p><p>“Hide doesn’t really have many imaginary friends,” Sakusa replies. “Thank you for guiding him back; glad it’s not kidnapper extraordinaire. And it’s Sakusa.” Atsumu grins and makes to playfully tug at Hide’s arm, but they reach the clearing in time before he can follow through. Sakusa is inwardly glad. He isn’t sure what kind of spirit Atsumu is, exactly. Nakayama-san rushes towards them; she doesn’t seem to see Atsumu. He waves goodbye at Hide.</p><p>“No prob, Omi-kun,” Atsumu says, and waves a little mockingly at him, too.</p><p>Nakayama-san ushers them all back into the apartment complex with a healthy amount of scolding at the boys and an omelette for Sakusa to take with him. He unlocks his door to the apartment, wondering if he can get one of his assignments done tonight, when someone starts whistling.</p><p>“Why and how the fuck are you here,” he says, to Atsumu currently lying on top of his couch in his weird transparent form.</p><p>“You dropped your phone, Omi-kun! I thought I’d be a good ghost and give it back.” Sakusa pats his coat pocket, scowling when Atsumu dangles it from his thumb and index finger.</p><p>“Did I drop it, or did you <em>take</em> it?” Atsumu raises his eyebrows with theatrical shock.</p><p>“Omi-Omi! How could you accuse me of a crime? Here I am, returning the phone after I’d already returned Hide-kun. Honestly,” he scoffs, “you should be thankin’ me.” He gets up from the couch to wink out of existence and back, blinking into view right in front of Sakusa’s face. Sakusa tips his chin up to glare.</p><p>Atsumu drops the phone into Sakusa’s hands with a grin. “Here ya are, Omi-kun.” Sakusa unlocks his phone and starts typing in <em>how to exorcise ghost</em> into Google.</p><p>“<em>Hey</em>,” Atsumu starts. “I’m no demon or anythin’ like that.”</p><p>“So you just hang out in the forest and wait for kids to get lost and steal people’s belongings, is that it?”</p><p>Atsumu snorts and lays back in the air like he’s lounging against the couch. “Kids don’t get lost in there very often ‘cause they don’t <em>go</em> in there very often, and I said you <em>dropped</em> it. I’m a perfectly polite and kind ghost.”</p><p>“Polite and kind enough to break into my house?”</p><p>“I just followed where the phone said it belonged and it said here; and I floated through the wall. Your lock’s intact.”</p><p>Sakusa glowers at him and tries swatting at him to get him to leave. His hand goes through and he feels a coolness when he touches Atsumu’s sleeve. “Don’t purposefully miss my point. Get out or I’ll finish Googling how to force you out.”</p><p>“But no one’s seen me like you do since I became a ghost,” Atsumu whines.</p><p>“Hidehiko saw you.”</p><p>“Yeah, but he’s six. I haven’t met someone I could properly talk to ever since I became a ghost. Animals don’t seem t’like me much.”</p><p>“I’m a person and I don’t like you much.”</p><p>“Too bad,” Atsumu says, and Sakusa’s about to ask what that means when he winks out of existence and back into existence. He raises an unamused eyebrow at Atsumu, who is blinking in and out over different spots around the living room.</p><p>“I think I’m stuck to ya,” Atsumu says. “I’m trying to get back to the woods, but I stay for a few seconds before I reappear here.”</p><p>Sakusa sighs, more calm about this than he really expected to be when he’s been involuntarily haunted by a ghost. He’s always had this ability; to see the ghosts and spirits that appear every now and then. He’s had more animal spirit sightings than actual people so far, so Atsumu is a new case, and it’s just his luck that they’d get stuck together like this. At least he isn’t malicious.</p><p>“What can or can you not do as a ghost? You’re not going to try to kill me, are you?”</p><p>“I already said I wasn’t some wild demon. Are you trying to make me do chores?”</p><p>Sakusa shrugs. “Now that you mention it, maybe.” Atsumu scoffs and starts opening random cupboard doors in the kitchen. Sakusa’s jaw twitches and he rips his mask off.</p><p>“Nice n’ organized, as expected,” Atsumu says. “I can interact with inanimate objects, every now and then someone can see me like you and Hide-kun, and I think I’m bound to you? I don’t seem to have other abilities.”</p><p>“How useless. Chores it is,” Sakusa says, and Atsumu cocks his head and pouts.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Life doesn’t actually change that much over the next few months with suddenly being haunted by a harmless, if annoying, ghost. Atsumu at his core just seems to be a little lonely; he doesn’t speak of his past and how he came to be in this form but is just pleased Sakusa can perceive him and he can heckle Sakusa to his heart’s content. They don’t know how they’ve suddenly been bound like this, either, but the farthest away seems to be 10 to 12 meters before Atsumu feels like his connection to the world gets thin.</p><p>He gets into all of Sakusa’s textbooks when they’re at home and flips through them while Sakusa scribbles his way through physics problems. Sakusa’s studying astrophysics; Atsumu says he can’t remember if he was a student or not.</p><p>“Omi-kun, literally none of these letters make sense.”</p><p>“They’re all Greek and for math, of course they don’t make a sentence.” Sakusa taps at his calculator and Atsumu flips to the next page of one of Sakusa’s books, lying on his stomach on Sakusa’s bed.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re studyin’ to become an astronaut. The majority of space is <em>empty</em>, Omi-Omi.”</p><p>“Makes it all the more special when something’s out there,” Sakusa mumbles back without thinking. He’s trying to make sense of the results he got in the observatory last lab for the report due soon.</p><p>“How poetic. I didn’t think you’d be so capable.”</p><p>“You can’t slog through all this fucking math if you’re not at least a little poetic about astrophysics.” Atsumu laughs.</p><p>When they’re not at home, they’re at school; Atsumu floats around the lecture halls and peers at what Sakusa’s classmates are up to, watching along with whatever television show or Youtube video they’re looking at instead of class. Sakusa doesn’t mind the entertainment of watching Atsumu along with the lecture; it keeps him awake, and he watches with exasperated amusement when Atsumu is floating around the professor’s whiteboard and making faces up at Sakusa.</p><p>“Omi-kun, you wouldn’t <em>believe</em> the gossip I got today in your classes.”</p><p>“Bold of you to assume I cared about them. Can you actually cook?” Sakusa’s forgotten he needed to eat. It’s 10 in the evening.</p><p>“I was wonderin’ when the chores would start up. I’ve been gettin’ bored goin’ cross-eyed at your textbooks, anyway. Lemme see what I can do even if I can’t eat any of it.”</p><p>Atsumu gossips anyway while he cooks. It’s a little cute when he floats around for things on the higher shelf (“You’re not <em>that</em> much taller than me, Omi-Omi, but it’s just more fun to fly.”) and Sakusa unfortunately now has to know that the girls that sit in front of him in lab are trying really hard to get the attention of his lab partner, who is a timid but whip smart guy, because <em>their</em> friend in the lab slot after Sakusa’s thinks he’s cute.</p><p>They still bicker over what Sakusa should eat even when Sakusa’s cooking on some days.</p><p>“Omi-kun, what’re you doin’ with that sludge?”</p><p>“It’s corn starch and hot water. It’ll make the sauce thicken.”</p><p>“Does it really? Here I thought only the French got it right with their roux.”</p><p>“Look.” Atsumu oohs at the sweet and sour sauce going from watery neon orange to a soupier, stickier sauce.</p><p>On the weekends, when word of mouth passes from Nakayama-san to their other neighbours and beyond, Sakusa has the option of investigating perceived paranormal activity around the neighbourhood like a part time job. Atsumu tags along, of course, and they figure out that most of them are human pranks or normal physical phenomena.</p><p>Drunk teenagers making weird lightshows in the park that freak people out, it gets particularly cold in one spot of the corner store because the empire of stacked boxes blocks the heat from the vent and there isn’t a spirit haunting that corner, ma’am your pet birds squawk at 4am because the cats next door are running around the yard and scaring them. Sakusa gets a lot of homemade food and baked goods instead of money. He figures this is just as good as cash because he can spend less on groceries when there’s a lot of leftovers.</p><p>Every now and then, they get a genuine paranormal case; Nakayama-san and her friends ask them to patrol the woods again, because the children claim there’s a lady in there who is kind but doesn’t want them to leave the woods when they’re done playing. They make their way into the woods while snow falls slow and quiet. Sakusa’s boots crunch gently against twigs and ice and Atsumu looks around for the possible spirit.</p><p>They both smell pastries baking. They look at each other and then move to follow the scent, which leads them to a kind looking old lady sitting on a stump and knitting. She is wrapped in layers of woolen scarves and shawls.</p><p>“Good afternoon,” Sakusa says, bowing. Atsumu does the same. She looks up and then pauses, wary of their presence. Her skirts ruffle in the breeze.</p><p>“Are you planning to remove me from here?” They shake their heads no.</p><p>“We just wanted to be sure you weren’t going to take the children away from the mortal plane,” says Sakusa. She freezes, shoulders slumping. “How long have you been here, ma’am?”</p><p>“Too long,” she whispers, and her skirts start dissolving into black strands that disappear in the daylight. “I just miss them. I wasn’t ready, you know, to leave mine behind. I just wanted to see that happiness again before I moved on, but day after day, I couldn’t help but stay just a little longer. I knew someone would come for me when I pushed my luck and asked them to stay.”</p><p>“Do you know one of the children from here?” Atsumu asks. She shakes her head no.</p><p>“They just smell the same,” she says. “Like my own grandchildren.” Atsumu nods in sympathy. She sighs and Sakusa can see tears welling up in her eyes before she breaks into deep, soul shaking sobs. Black feathers spread across the backs of her gnarled hands and she shudders. Her form shakes and collapses in on itself, the wind picking up around them, before a sleek black crow shrieks and soars away.</p><p>Atsumu blinks at the space she leaves behind. “That went a lot easier than I’d thought it’d go. Thought I’d have to defend ya.”</p><p>Sakusa watches a black feather flutter from where it’s stuck on a tree branch. “She seemed more desperate to keep the kids with her. I’m sure she knew what was coming.”</p><p>The other notable case that seems to be paranormal is when Yachi, whom Sakusa knows because they suffered through an abysmal professor in a first-year computer science class together, comes to him during his break between classes. She’s holding a set of film developed photos out for Sakusa to look at. There are some blurry white blobs in the background. Yachi knows Sakusa has the sight for paranormal spirits; when they became lab partners and friends in the class, she had once come in with her eyes rimmed with red and a transparent cat weaving around her ankles. When he had asked, it was her neighbour’s that had passed from old age.</p><p>“Sakusa-kun, do you think you have the time later today to stop by the computer lab and the film club room? Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Hinata, and Kageyama swear they saw these when they developed the film, but I’m skeptical. Also slightly terrified.”</p><p>“Sure.” Sakusa shuffles through the photos, well aware of the idea that ghosts are captured in photos as white orbs and hands them back. “I’ll take a look now, it’s on my way to my next class.” Yachi nods, and they set off. Atsumu floats around her to look at her curiously before resuming his place on Sakusa’s other side.</p><p>“She’s cute,” he hums, wiggling his eyebrows at Sakusa. Sakusa fixes him with a flat stare before turning to ask, “Yachi, how is Shimizu-san doing?”</p><p>“Oh! She’s doing well, and so are we,” Yachi says, blushing a little bit while tucking her hair behind her ears. Atsumu blinks in surprise but settles into an easy expression as Sakusa and Yachi catch up. He recalls the teens in the area doing strange lightshows, and she bursts out into laughter.</p><p>“I think that was Hoshiumi-kun and Hinata-kun.”</p><p>“Tell them to cut it out. The old people are getting scared.”</p><p>They arrive at the rooms and Sakusa does a casual walkabout before he looks at Atsumu. Atsumu moves around as well and shakes his head.</p><p>“I don’t see anything in here,” Sakusa says, and Yachi visibly deflates in relief. She then perks up and throws open the door to reveal Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi hanging around to see.</p><p>“You edited those, didn’t you! I seriously thought they were real. Good job!” The boys burst into laughter, begging for Yachi’s forgiveness.</p><p>“Ah! Sakusa-kun! Here, thank you for your time,” Yachi says, holding out a small paper bag. Sakusa peeks inside to see pickled plum onigiri.</p><p>“You didn’t have to, but thank you,” he says, and Yachi waves him off before chasing the boys down the hall.</p><p>Atsumu floats back into his view. “School and your apartment are boring, Omi-kun, let’s go somewhere else today.”</p><p>Sakusa would prefer to stay at home, and the majority of the time they do. But Atsumu gets restless, being stuck in a 12-meter radius, so they go out to a coffee shop and Atsumu people watches while Sakusa does written assignments on his laptop.</p><p>“Lemme smell your coffee.”</p><p>“Living on the edge, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Well, as a ghost, yeah. Just let me have this with my limited sense of smell and touch.” Sakusa wafts the coffee steam towards Atsumu, who sighs blissfully when it passes through his head. Sakusa stifles a snort.</p><p>Atsumu isn’t quite ready to get back into the apartment yet when Sakusa submits his work, so they agree to stargaze in the woods even though there’s light pollution. Sakusa tugs along his school assigned telescope to set up and peers through the eyepiece while Atsumu hops from tree to tree, scattering snow into Sakusa’s curls.</p><p>Sakusa points out Venus visible through the telescope and the North Star, and what probably is Ursa Minor; he snaps a few photos for Yachi.</p><p>“You have any wishes to make, Omi-kun?”</p><p>Sakusa shrugs. “I don’t think there’s a meteor shower happening. Mostly I want to be not in debt after school.” Atsumu chuckles.</p><p>Sakusa looks over from where Atsumu’s floating above him and pauses at the otherworldly beauty of the stars visible through Atsumu’s neck and yukata sleeves. Sakusa blinks a few times. He doesn't know when he got used to Atsumu being around, but he's reminded now more than ever that Atsumu isn’t human.</p><p>“Hey, Omi-Omi.” Sakusa looks over. “You think if I held myself correctly, I could position myself so that Orion’s Belt would literally be my belt?”</p><p>Sakusa bursts out laughing, the steam getting caught in his mask and warming his face.</p><p>“That’s so stupid, you can’t see Orion’s Belt with the light pollution. Do it.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The beginning of the end is when Osamu asks for Sakusa’s help. Sakusa should’ve known this arrangement wasn’t going to last forever. No ghosts exist without a price.</p><p>Sakusa’s definitely taken aback when he opens the door to Miya Osamu. Yachi had said someone that commissioned her online was interested in Sakusa’s ability to see spirits, was it okay to send him to Sakusa? He had said yes, but he wasn’t prepared for Atsumu’s twin brother who was very much alive.</p><p>The same brown eyes blink back at him, but Osamu’s hair is dyed grey versus Atsumu’s blonde and swept to the other side. </p><p>“Hiya,” Osamu says, and they shake hands. Sakusa gestures for Osamu to sit at the kitchen table where he’s made some tea. Upon closing the door, Sakusa looks around for Atsumu, but he’s nowhere to be found. He figures it’s best to hear what Osamu has to say and see how Atsumu feels from wherever he’s eavesdropping.</p><p>“What did you need help with, Miya-san?”</p><p>“Osamu’s fine. It’s about my brother,” he says, and unlocks his phone to show Sakusa a picture of them. “I know it’s kinda a long shot, but I was wonderin’ if you could search near the river for his, er, soul.” Sakusa furrows his brow and Osamu waves his hands.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry, let me try again. Atsumu went missing for an hour last November at the university’s culture festival.” Sakusa glances at the calendar on the wall, which says February. He went looking for Hidehiko in the woods and met Atsumu in November.</p><p>“When he was found along the river, he suffered blunt trauma and was soakin’ wet. He’s currently in a coma and on life support at the local hospital. It’s been about three months since then, and it looks like he accidentally fell in and got injured tryin’ to get back out; the doctors say if he doesn’t wake up in another month, they’ve decided that’s the best time to pull the plug. I’m here because I need to know what happened, for some closure.”</p><p>Sakusa nods. “What exactly did you have in mind for me to do? I could go to the riverbank for a start.” Osamu fidgets and toys with his hands.</p><p>“Somethin’ like that. I wanted to know if you could find his soul? Because it might not be in his body with the whole coma thing? And communicate with it, if you were able to find it. I can’t see that kind of thing myself, which is why I’m here.” He looks skeptical as he says it out loud, which makes them both laugh.</p><p>“I just want to know,” Osamu says, and forces himself to look at Sakusa properly. “Whether it was an accident, or if he really wanted to. For some peace when we let him go.” Sakusa is the one this time to look away, nodding at his teacup.</p><p>Osamu leaves after giving Sakusa the location of where Atsumu was last seen and where he was found. When Sakusa closes the door after him, he turns around to find Atsumu phasing in through his window over the kitchen sink.</p><p>“Where were you the entire time your living twin was here?”</p><p>Atsumu has the decency to look ashamed. “So, uh, I may have remembered more than I said I did.”</p><p>“What a surprise,” Sakusa deadpans. “He wouldn’t have been able to see you if you were in here, by the way. How much do you remember?”</p><p>Atsumu sighs, so similar to Osamu, and scrubs his hands through his hair. “Everythin’. We had a really big fight, Omi-kun, and I stormed out during the university school festival. It started to rain once the fireworks were over, the whole dramatic works.” He lays back and floats around the room.</p><p>“I fucked up big time. The woods are big, I was lost, and I fell into the river. I don’t remember anything but the dark water, and – “ he stops and clenches his eyes shut.</p><p>“I’m still here now – I chose to be here, because I haven’t apologized to ‘Samu yet. I’ll go when that’s done. I know he can’t see me, but I’ll figure somethin’ out. I thought I had more time. I didn’t know it’d only be another month from now to get back in my body. Or a month until I'd lose my chance at gettin' it back and being a ghost forever. Or disappearing if my body isn't around, if it works like that.”</p><p>Sakusa has nothing else he can say to the grief that sinks into the lines of Atsumu’s face.</p><p>He changes the subject. “Do you think you can go back into your body?”</p><p>Atsumu shakes his head. “I tried it when I got my bearings in the forest. Searched all the rooms and floors of the hospital, found my body, poked and blinked in and out of existence and nothing happened.”</p><p>“I can ask Osamu which room you’re in at the hospital. We can go there and try again if you want?”</p><p>“And what, you’ll wake me, Sleeping Beauty, up with a kiss?”</p><p>“I don’t think I can get into the hospital and do that without Osamu murdering me.”</p><p>Atsumu chuckles and scratches the side of his face. “Fair enough. Can you get a séance goin’?”</p><p>During the next few days, Sakusa tries to look up news articles about Atsumu falling into the river, but nothing comes up, so he drops by the local occult store a few streets down to flip through some books for some type of visualization or communication spell.</p><p>He’s never done this kind of thing before. It really swings into metaphysics which he’s definitely not studying, but the process seems simple enough especially because Atsumu’s a lost soul with nothing malicious about his existence. At least that’s what the shopkeepers say when they greet Sakusa and then Atsumu as well when they come in. The shopkeepers are a pair of heavily tattooed, pierced men, whom Sakusa knows only because they came by to the planetarium and the university booth when Sakusa was managing it for his department at the culture festival.</p><p>“Communication and cleansing means lotsa candles and this book in particular,” Hanamaki says, dusting off a small tomb. Matsukawa takes a handheld vacuum to the cover and the pages, which Sakusa is internally grateful for. Hanamaki bookmarks the pages and hands it over to Sakusa with a cup of tea balanced on top.</p><p>“I can get some candles for ya, but take a seat somewhere and take your time,” Matsukawa says, pointing Sakusa towards the couches in the open area. Sakusa sets his teacup down on a little side table and flips to the first bookmark with his notebook open on his lap.</p><p>As he’s looking through the book, Sakusa comes to terms with the reality that Atsumu’s going to pass on in less than a month and disappear from Sakusa’s life. This can’t be about Sakusa, of course – it’s about Osamu, his family, the rest of his friends that Sakusa doesn’t know, who knew Atsumu when he was alive. Sakusa is just familiar with Atsumu the ghost friend.</p><p><em>Although it’s like boyfriend</em>, his brain says, recalling the cooking, the studying, the cafes. Sakusa shuts the book with a sharp snap to kill the thought before opening it again.</p><p>Atsumu doesn’t really pay attention when Sakusa is in here, funnily enough. Sakusa figured all the bits and bobbles in the store would be incredibly entertaining for him, and also expected Atsumu to stop him from helping Osamu, but he just floats and stares out the window.</p><p>Hanamaki and Matsukawa discount him heavily on the candles on the basis of a Friends Discount and take the book back after Sakusa’s done taking notes on the spells.</p><p>He goes home and spreads out the candle jars on his kitchen table and places his notebook in the centre. Atsumu watches him with a blank expression on his face.</p><p>He pauses from calling Osamu and puts his phone down. “Atsumu.”</p><p>“Hmm? All set up for your ghost telephone booth, Omi-Omi?” Atsumu floats over, sniffing at the candles. “I like this lavender one.”</p><p>“Do you want to talk to Osamu yet? I can stall for a few more days, if you want.”</p><p>“Why, Omi-kun, I thought you were raring to get rid of me.”</p><p>Sakusa rolls his eyes. “Good point. Serves me right for trying to be nice for once, let me call him.” Atsumu scrambles and knocks the phone out of Sakusa’s hand, who just gives him a flat stare.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry. Yeah, ‘m ready. Just been thinkin’ of what to say, lately. To ‘Samu and to you.” Sakusa can feel his brow crease – what would Atsumu have to say to him? – but Atsumu dials and Osamu picks up on the first ring.</p><p>“Yo, Sakusa. What’s up?”</p><p>Sakusa blinks. “Did I catch you at a bad time? Are you free this evening?”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘m free. You find somethin’?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sakusa says, looking at Atsumu, who squares his shoulders. “See you soon.”</p><p>When he arrives, Osamu looks over Sakusa’s shoulder like he almost expects Atsumu to be there – which he is, and Atsumu does hide while knowing Osamu can’t see him. Sakusa points Osamu to sit in front of the book and the candles.</p><p>“Are you goin’ to be speakin’ to ‘Tsumu?” Sakusa shakes his head no while lighting a candle.</p><p>“It’s a conversation between you two,” he says, and looks to his notes to start reciting the communication spell.</p><p>There’s a knock on the front door and Sakusa opens it to Atsumu standing there; Sakusa rolls his eyes at Atsumu for the theatrics. Atsumu sticks his tongue out but sobers up considerably when he takes a seat across from Osamu.</p><p>“I’ll be back in two hours,” Sakusa says, which makes the twins jump because they’re speechlessly staring at each other. “Don’t destroy my apartment, please.”</p><p>“No promises, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu says.</p><p>Sakusa trudges through the snow back to the occult store. Hanamaki and Matsukawa are not surprised that he’s back for a cleansing spell to properly send-off Atsumu, thinking that Sakusa has gotten fed up with him after the communication one. It’s difficult to admit to them, and to himself, that it’s the opposite.</p><p>With a cleansing spell on hand, he comes back near the end of the second hour. It’s clear both Atsumu and Osamu have been crying although they’ve hid it pretty well. Osamu gets up to thank Sakusa, cash in hand.</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I didn’t do any work. Your brother just needed to get his head out of his ass.”</p><p>“Wow,” says Atsumu, and Osamu gives a watery laugh.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s kinda his thing. Thank you, Sakusa.” Osamu gets up and sighs. “You too, ‘Tsumu.” He’s looking vaguely at where Atsumu is, a little off center, and Sakusa realizes he can’t see or hear him anymore.</p><p>Atsumu seems to realize this too. He moves toward Osamu, hand outstretched, but it passes through Osamu’s sleeve. Sakusa can’t see Atsumu’s face but does see the way his shoulders tense.</p><p>Sakusa nods at Osamu then, stiffly, unsure what else to say. Osamu smiles and walks straight through Atsumu who freezes in place.</p><p>Sakusa shakes Osamu’s hand and bows, closing the door behind him on his way out. He turns back around to Atsumu who has not moved. A long moment stretches out between them before Sakusa moves to clean up his notes and blow out the candles.</p><p>“Hey, Omi-kun.” Sakusa watches the melted wax in the candle jar tremble for a moment before straightening to look at Atsumu.</p><p>He isn’t prepared. Atsumu looks stricken, completely broken, with tears streaming from his eyes as he stares emptily at the spot where Osamu was. Sakusa feels his own chest tighten, and before he knows he’s doing it, he’s up in Atsumu’s face trying to brush away the tears that wink out of existence when they fall.</p><p>His hands pass through, feeling like he’s stuck them into a chilly breeze.</p><p>Atsumu smiles weakly. “I know I said I’d go when ‘Samu and I made our peace. I was tryin’ to work up the courage to face him and acceptin’ the fact that I’m not really human anymore, either, that I couldn’t get back into my body. I thought I had the time – somethin’ in me thought I coulda been, like, a kind spirit in the forest for the rest of forever. But after this – “ and he stops, inhaling shakily, “Even after I saw him, apologized, the whole works,”</p><p>Atsumu presses the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, Omi-kun.”</p><p>Sakusa isn’t sure what to say as he lets his hands fall to his sides. Atsumu swallows and he meets Sakusa’s gaze, taking a deep breath to calm himself. His expression smooths out into something like acceptance with a hint of something bittersweet in his usual playful smirk. Sakusa’s brow furrows. There’s something wrong.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter if I’ll be ready, ‘cause Mother Nature’s takin’ me anyway. I can feel it. I thought I had to talk to Osamu, so I could pass on once we’d ironed things out, but that’s not what I needed. I just had t’forgive myself for arguin' and gettin' into this mess, because he's already forgiven me. Cheesy, huh?”</p><p>Atsumu reaches out and cradles Sakusa’s face with cold, cold hands. His clothes rustle, muted, as he drags the mask down with one finger. Sakusa stares up into the face floating above his with the notes burning a hole in his pocket. He wants to say that he’ll look for a spell to return Atsumu’s soul to his body. He wants to say he’ll set up the communication spell over and over so he and Osamu can have weeks instead of the two hours they had.</p><p>He wants to say <em>don’t leave</em>.</p><p>Atsumu is smiling. “Didn’t need a cleansin’ spell after all, turns out; there’s the one time I’ll make things easy for ya.”</p><p>“Atsumu, hold on – “ Sakusa grabs at his wrists and his fists close around thin air.</p><p>“Thank you,” Atsumu breathes. He leans in, and Sakusa stares with wide eyes as Atsumu presses their lips together. Sakusa feels a whisper of air brush his mouth.</p><p>“<em>Atsumu – ”</em></p><p>“Later, Omi-kun,” he says, and he disappears.</p><p>Sakusa doesn’t move for a long while. The sudden silence of his apartment has never been so loud.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Months pass by, and Sakusa is still thinking about Atsumu as he carries on with life. He doesn’t expect Osamu to contact him and isn’t surprised when he doesn’t, because Sakusa was just a conduit; Osamu didn’t know Atsumu spent so much time with him. When March passes by, he tries not to look up or call the hospital to confirm whether Atsumu’s been taken off life support. He returns the books and the candles, returns to his astrophysics classes, his mathematics, anything that is concrete and solvable to cover up the phantom (ha!) ache that is missing Atsumu.</p><p>People come to him for solving paranormal problems and he turns them away. He says he doesn’t do that kind of thing anymore. It just doesn’t feel right, not after Atsumu has disappeared.</p><p>Then he reappears.</p><p>Sakusa is looking up at the new moon on a clear night in the summer, window open to let out the humid air inside his apartment. The cool breeze helps his cloth mask from sticking to his face. He’s been working at the observatory over the summer as a research assistant and is taking a break from one of his reports before he hears a knock on his door.</p><p>Sakusa peers through the eyehole to see Atsumu rocking back and forth on his heels and chewing on his lip. He turns around to pick up the small rosary (a gift from Nakayama-san’s friend) at the bottom of his desk drawer and takes a deep, calming breath before opening the door.</p><p>Atsumu waves with a cheerful grin. “Yo!”</p><p>Sakusa’s first thought is <em>he’s not transparent</em>. And he’s not; fully solid, breathing, blonde mop an eyesore paired with a pale grey Henley, long sleeves pushed up to the elbows.</p><p>Sakusa closes the door and reopens it.</p><p>He’s still there. “Still here,” Atsumu says.</p><p>“Are you human?”</p><p>“Straight to the point as always, aren’t ya, Omi-Omi? Yeah, of course I am.” Atsumu looks down at himself. “The hell was up with your communication spell you used to allow me to speak to ‘Samu, anyway? Cause it definitely wasn’t just that.”</p><p>Sakusa narrows his eyes at Atsumu and the necklace unravels from his palm. “You’re not some kind of shapeshifter or demon?”</p><p>Atsumu chuckles, crossing his arms. “Nah. I thought you said you didn’t believe in that kinda stuff.”</p><p>“I don’t. Then I was definitely haunted for a bit.” Sakusa raises an eyebrow at Atsumu and he laughs this time.</p><p>“I swear, Omi-kun, it’s me, fully human an’ everythin’. Here,” and Atsumu extends one hand. “You can try exorcising me if ya want, but ‘Samu did that already and also tried a bunch of other spirit removal techniques before, like, givin’ me a hug. What an asshole,” and he shrugs before wiggling his fingers. The triumphant look in his eye that he has from catching Sakusa off guard by, oh, basically <em>coming back to life, </em>softens.</p><p>“C’mon, Omi-Omi,” he says, gentle. “Just see for yourself.”</p><p>Sakusa closes his fingertips ever so slightly against Atsumu’s outstretched hand. It’s warm, like he always expects them to be, even when Atsumu wasn’t corporeal.</p><p>He looks up at Atsumu and there’s a soft crooked grin, fond in all the ways Sakusa cannot phrase out loud. Sakusa swallows with difficulty.</p><p>“Are you here because Osamu kicked you out for being annoying?”</p><p>“Oh, fuck you,” Atsumu laughs. “I’m not allowed to visit my favourite ghost buster?”</p><p>“I don’t do that anymore. I lost someone I cared about along the way and I’d rather not do it again.” Atsumu blinks, his eyebrows climbing up in surprise, and Sakusa turns and walks into his apartment.</p><p>“Why, Omi-Omi,” he hears Atsumu say, and Sakusa has to close his eyes for a moment when he can hear Atsumu’s footsteps into the entryway, can feel his weight shift the old floorboards as he toes off his sneakers and shuts the door behind him.</p><p>“So,” Sakusa says, before Atsumu can say anything else. He climbs back into his seat and reaching for the notebook he had the spells in. He ignores the pounding of his heart. “How did you come back to life?”</p><p>“Woke up in the hospital and it took a long while to get through all kinds of therapy so I could walk n’ talk again,” Atsumu replies, with a half laugh as he drags a kitchen chair over to where Sakusa is at his desk. “I told ya Osamu tried to exorcise me twenty times – in the hospital, mind you – before it got into his thick skull that my soul was stuck nice n’ proper in my body. After I disappeared on ya, all I remember is bright white light until I woke up. I really don’t know how this happened, Omi-Omi, but I’m here now.”</p><p>Sakusa is flipping through the pages of the spell and lands on a particular photo of one of the paragraphs he took. He reads through it, reciting the words through his head and following along with his finger.</p><p>“Find anythin’? We could chalk it up to a miracle, or my genius.”</p><p>“Neither of us study the occult, definitely not genius. I think I might have replaced one word with a different word on the next line by accident,” Sakusa says. “It still made sense in the sentence, but probably had something to do with it.” Atsumu leans in to look and Sakusa points at the word “released” and the word “bound”, parallel to each other on the tiny text.</p><p>Atsumu whistles. “’Let the soul guide himself to the heavens and let his heart be seen when the sun and the moon meet face to face, and if he is pure, let his soul be <em>bound</em> to the earth.’”</p><p>“There was an eclipse recently,” Sakusa says. “There’s a maximum of four eclipses each year, but there are usually two solar eclipses.” He looks it up on his laptop, and it’s true – in March, there was a solar eclipse. “Maybe that’s when the sun and moon ‘met’.”</p><p>Atsumu hums and it’s clear he’s not really listening in favour of staring intensely at Sakusa.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What kinda guy was he like? The person you cared about. Handsome? Charming? Brave?”</p><p>Sakusa snorts. “None of the above.” Atsumu gasps, mock-affronted.</p><p>“He was a ghost,” Sakusa interrupts. “He was a ghost. He kissed me, and then he left before I could say anything.”</p><p>Atsumu’s playful demeanor drops as he looks at Sakusa. “What would you have said if he stayed long enough to hear you?”</p><p>Sakusa moves and grasps his wrist, to make up for the time that he couldn’t. They stare at one another as Sakusa scrutinizes Atsumu’s face. He thinks of their odd kiss months ago and brushes his fingertips from Atsumu’s temples and down his jawline. There are the twinkling brown eyes, eyelids hooded with smug affection, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. The warmth of Atsumu’s skin sinks into his fingers with finality. Everything unsaid stretches between them like a thread.</p><p>“Hey, Omi-kun.”</p><p>“What is it now?”</p><p>Atsumu smiles, cheeks bunching against Sakusa’s hands. “Let’s do as the sun and moon do. Preferably more often than twice a year.”</p><p>Sakusa leans in and Atsumu’s eyelids flutter. His brain says <em>Atsumu, Atsumu, Atsumu, </em>and yes, he’s here, well and truly in the flesh. Sakusa pulls his mask down.</p><p>“Welcome home,” he murmurs. Atsumu gives a shuddering exhale.</p><p>“I’m home,” Atsumu breathes against his mouth, and Sakusa kisses him back, sure that he won’t disappear this time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7q-4mfl_s4">as it was</a> by hozier; plot inspired by the 2005 film just like heaven.</p><p>thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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